Script – Red Shirt Revue ☆

Here’s two drafts from the Red Shirt Revue script. The first one has notes from Erin, the managing editor of the AfterEd channel. The second one is closer to what we actually said. Notice we didn’t make too many changes. Why do you think we made the changes we did, and not the ones Erin suggested?

Compare these to the storyboards from this episode. What information do you get out of the storyboard that you don’t out of the script, and vice versa? What are storyboards good at telling us, and what are scripts good at telling us? What do you think Erin said when she saw the storyboards? When you’re writing your own storyboard and script, keep these in mind. Try to use the storyboard and script to say slightly different things — the things each one is best at telling.

FIRST DRAFT
Weena: (looking in mirror) Would you yiff me? I’d yiff me.
Erna: Oh my god! It takes the fursuit off its face or else it gets the hose again! We need to make a response video!
Weena: (abashed) Hi Internets!
Erna: Hi Internets! We wanted to respond to all your wonderful comments!
Weena: And Intern wanted to show off her new red shirt.what is the red shirt and why does it matter?– visuals would be nice -Erin Murphy 2/1/10 2:15 PM
Erna: Lovely. We wanted to welcome our new fans from TVTropes.
Weena: And the furry community.
Erna: Especially those non-cannibalistic furries.
Weena: Hey, my fursuit is not cannibalism!
Erna: Well, jimmyrabbitte, who wrote to us, thinks it might be!
Weena: OR, he said it might be like the difference between Goofy and Pluto!
Erna: Like, who wears pants, and speaks? like, who wears pants and who doesnt? this sentence is confusing. -Erin Murphy 2/1/10 2:16 PM
Weena: Right. I wear pants, your stuffed rabbit did not.
Erna: You don’t actually wear–
Weena: Listen, you want cannibalism?! I’ll show you cannibalism! Hey, Monster of the Week!
Monster: O hai?
Weena: Doesn’t the intern look delicious today? oh red because bulls are attracted to red?  -Erin Murphy 2/1/10 2:16 PM
Erna: Weena, no! I just gave her that red shirt for Christmas!
Monster: OM NOM NOM NOM!
Erna, Intern: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (Erna and Monster of week wrestle this out, run around set while Weena speaks; eventually Intern pops out of Monster’s stomach covered with goo) I would like to know how you are going to film them running around the set and how she is going to pop out of his stomach. do you see her get eaten? how long is this going to take? (not just to film but actual screen time?) What is everyone else going to be doing while the intern is being born? And I’m not sure I get the joke, is it poltergeist? This could be its own episode. -Erin Murphy 2/1/10 2:17 PM
Weena: Moving on to our next comment, a number of you astute Tropers pointed out the TVTropes rule that Tropes Are Not Bad. Fawriel writes, “I also think that tropes aren’t normally “used” so much as they just kinda happen, though it’s debatable in how far the writer in question is aware of it…” Well, they’re TV PROFESSIONALS, surely they have seen these Tropes come up thousands and thousands of times before?
Erna: Look, it’s not the tool that makes bad writing, it is unskilled use of the tool. You can use tropes too much.
Weena: Intern, don’t open that door!
Erna: Like there’s lampshading. That’s what Tropers call using a trope on purpose and making fun of it.
Weena: Intern, don’t get near that bull, you know how they feel about red! so the monster is the bull? -Erin Murphy 2/1/10 2:20 PM
Erna: Yep, put a lampshade on it.
Weena: Well, what about the idea that Tropes Are Not Good? All tropes can be overused.is it the idea that ALL tropes are not good? or that some are good, just dont overuse them? -Erin Murphy 2/1/10 2:21 PM
Erna: Intern don’t drum for that rock band! (intern greenscreened into Spinal Tap) how is this a trope? are you saying that spinal tap overuses tropes? -Erin Murphy 2/1/10 2:21 PM
Weena: All tropes can be written badly.
Erna: Don’t date that suave British spy! (intern greenscreened into James Bond) But it’s pointless to try to avoid tropes!
Weena: Intern no keep away from that cliff!
Erna: Like the wiki says, there’s nothing new under the sun. Erin wants one more positive thing from Erna to balance this out “keeps the plot moving, like this episode” -gus andrews 2/1/10 2:41 PM
Weena: Oh god no, don’t get into that car!
Erna: Caseedilla, This Trope’s For You.
Weena: Finally, we had a comment from Nikhera, who says, Hauuu! I wanna taken Intern hooome <3
(beat Intern is dropped onto the table, smoking, wrecked beyond recognition)
Erna: Are you sure?
Weena: Sure I’m sure. Media industry interns are expendable, we can get another one.
Erna: No, I meant is Nikhera sure he or she wants *this* intern.
Weena: Send us a private YouTube message with your address, Nikhera, and we’ll send you your very own Intern.
Erna: And we also need addresses from jimmyrabbitte, fawriel, darnpenguin, and caseedilla.
Weena: Oh, and ericafirment for the awesome video comment.
(clip)
Erna: Let us know what color of sticker you want, and how big you want it to be, up to eight and a half by eleven inches. cant you take care of this stuff over email? -Erin Murphy 2/1/10 2:23 PM
Weena: Thanks for the great thoughts, everyone!

I think this is a funny script – again, I think it might be massively long with the acting. It could be broken up into 2 episodes. I know you probably want all the tropes together but there is a lot going on. furries, tropes, monsters, 4 puppets!  And im not sure I understand the argument about tropes at the end and how the intern is illustrating that. -Erin Murphy 2/1/10 2:23 PM

SECOND DRAFT

Weena: (looking in mirror) Would you yiff me? I’d yiff me.
Erna: Oh my god! It takes the fursuit off its face or else it gets the hose again!
Weena: (hurt) Erna!?
Erna: We need to make a response video!
Weena: Hi Internets?
Erna: Hi Internets! We wanted to respond to all your wonderful comments!
Weena: And Intern wanted to show off her new red Star Trek shirt.
Erna: Lovely. We wanted to welcome our new fans from TVTropes.
Weena: And the furry community.
Erna: Especially the furries that AREN’T cannibals.
Weena: Hey, my fursuit is not cannibalism!
Erna: Well, jimmyrabbitte, who wrote to us, thinks that because you SKINNED MY CHILDHOOD FRIENDS it is!
Weena: He said it might be like the difference between Goofy and Pluto!
Erna: Like, who wears pants?
Weena: Right. I wear pants, your stuffed rabbit did not.
Erna: You don’t actually wear–
Weena: Listen, you want cannibalism?! I’ll show you cannibalism! Hey, Monster of the Week!
Monster: O hai?
Weena: Doesn’t the intern look delicious today?
Erna: Weena, no! I just gave her that red shirt for Christmas!
Monster: OM NOM NOM NOM!
Erna, Intern: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (Erna and Monster of week wrestle this out, run around set while Weena speaks; eventually Intern pops out of Monster’s stomach covered with goo)
Weena: Moving on to our next comment, a number of you pointed out the TVTropes rule that Tropes Are Not Bad. Fawriel writes, “I also think that tropes aren’t normally “used” so much as they just kinda happen, though it’s debatable in how far the writer in question is aware of it…” Well, they’re TV PROFESSIONALS, surely they have seen these Tropes come up thousands and thousands of times before?
Erna: Look, it’s not the tool that makes bad writing, it is unskilled use of the tool. You can use tropes too much.
Weena: Intern, don’t open that door!
Erna: Like there’s lampshading. That’s what Tropers call using a trope on purpose and making fun of it.
Weena: Intern, don’t get near that bull, you know how they feel about red!
Erna: Yep, put a lampshade on it.
Weena: Well, what about the other idea, that Tropes Are Not Good? All tropes can be overused.
Erna: Intern don’t drum for that rock band! (intern greenscreened into Spinal Tap)
Weena: All tropes can be written badly.
Erna: Don’t date that suave British spy! (intern greenscreened into James Bond) But it’s pointless to try to avoid tropes!
Weena: Intern, no! Don’t get into that car!
Erna: Like the wiki says, there’s nothing new under the sun.
Weena: Oh god no, keep away from that cliff!
Erna: Caseedilla, This Trope’s For You.
Weena: Finally, we had a comment from Nikhera, who says, Hauuu! I wanna taken Intern hooome <3
(beat Intern is dropped onto the table, smoking, wrecked beyond recognition)
Erna: Are you sure?
Weena: Sure I’m sure. Media industry interns are expendable, we can get another one.
Erna: No, I meant is Nikhera sure he or she wants *this* intern.
Weena: Send us a private YouTube message with your address, Nikhera, and we’ll send you your very own Intern.
Erna: And we also need addresses from jimmyrabbitte, fawriel, darnpenguin, and caseedilla so we can send them stickers.
Weena: Oh, and ericafirment!
Erna: Thanks for the great thoughts, everyone!
Weena: And just in case you missed it, here’s Erica’s awesome video comment.
(clip)